How could this happen? My brain was supposed to be protecting my heart from being so exposed ever again. I was supposedly to be skeptical and cynical for the rest of my life, to have many brief wonderful experiences with women who couldn’t hurt me. I can’t have any more children, so why expose myself to the emotional and financial risks of a life-long commitment ever again?
Naoma and I were two very happily single people. I felt free and light and life was normal! And we both had very active social calendars. In one of our earliest conversations we both said that marriage was something that neither of us were interested in, we lived life to the fullest together with lots of travel, great food and wine. My philosophy was that as long as we were dating, we would always be on our best behavior. WARNING THIS NEXT SECTION IS KIND OF A COMMENTARY!!! What I never wanted was to be in a relationship where anyone gets too comfortable, where the couple take each other for granted. Why are so many married couples I know unhappy? Easy answer, they stopped tending their relationship. They stopped trying to impress the one they are with. Is that what a lifelong commitment is supposed to be? Giving someone your least amount of effort? Just an endless parade of mediocrity? Oh that weight can’t come off? Get divorced, watch the weight fly off men and women alike as they consider the prospects of finding another mate and having to reveal that “body by neglect” naked in front of another human. Stale sex life…Women, want your man to be faithful? Fulfill his fantasies, surprise him, make him feel like a man and realize that you married an animal, with very simple needs. Men, want your woman to be faithful? Fulfill her fantasies, surprise her, make her feel beautiful, and realize that you married a very complicated creature. Yes, I think it’s that simple. Forget this “my kids come first” bullshit, because they don’t and they never should. Your relationship should always come first 100% of the time. I now get to visit with my kids instead of living with them every day, you see, our kids came first, it was a mantra my ex sang proudly. I don’t know what was next, maybe careers, then the house, the cars, the yard, the status, my marriage was so far down the list, it’s no surprise it’s over and dead. It was dead long before I even knew it.
Back to the point of this blog: Then one day I found out that I was being relocated to Camp LeJeune, NC. How could I live without this person who I’ve spent nearly every day for the last two years with? My brain had a hard time processing the thought of her with another man, of me with another woman. We have been through a lot of shit in two short years and I realized that I want to go through ALL the shit with her. I was thinking about how she took care of me after my surgery, how she was the first face I saw upon awaking from anesthesia. Thinking about how much I love to make her laugh. She learned to cook like a chef because she knew how important food was to me, she never gave up, even when my kids were pretty un-accepting of our relationship. We discovered, explored and started to be practicing minimalists together, we started this blog! When I thought all was lost, she told me she would be willing to drive every week that she didn’t have her kids to see me…to be with me. I was stunned, this was something only she could do, my work will not allow for it. The selfless act of uprooting her life for three years, living 1/2 time with me and 1/2 time in VA, how could I not commit to this woman? I love her like air when my lungs are burning and I’m going to be her water when she’s thirsty. I will not take her for granted. I will not let myself go nor will I let mediocrity hold sway. I have vowed not only to give her my heart, but I vow to give her my best, because she deserves it. I will fall short, I will be insensitive sometimes, I will say the wrong thing, there will even be days where she gets my worst, but I will correct my course quickly, because that’s what love and marriage means to me. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t deserve my best. Naoma, I love you.